I have rhino monkey disease

Over the last couple of weeks I've been sick, which is fair enough you say, it's the time of year, the change of weather and so on. However, the mixture of symptoms has been just odd.

Last Sunday, going into Monday I had an earache, which at first I assumed was just a reaction to going back to work after a good weekend. 

I woke up on Tuesday morning, at 6am, feeling tummy sick. For the next few days the earache and nausea continued, leaving me thinking 'but they don't go!'.

Then on Sunday evening, just gone, I was sitting watching TV in my folks' after a roast dinner and all of a sudden there was a disco in my left eye. A spiky circle of flashing light, with some colouredy bits. Techno techno. There it was, a migraine. So I took off to a dark room and an early night. 

Woke up yesterday morning and the migraine appeared to be gone, only to be replaced by a very sore and swollen throat! Ok, I thought, I'd rather the sore throat than the migraine. It hung around in the background though, for the day, making me fuzzy. All the while I'm thinking 'but they don't go!'.

You can imagine how I felt when the tummy sickness returned this afternoon about an hour before I had to go to the dentist for a file and polish, or whatever the dental equivalent is. I have no fear of the dentist, so it was purely down to the rhino monkey disease.

I know I'm probably just run down, blame the weather, daylight savings time, the government, the banks, Prince William getting engaged, but really.

Certain illnesses go together, your throat bone's connected to your ear bone and all that, so I am not happy with this random mix of illnesses! So far I've taken disprin, pepto-bismol, lemsip, sinutab, more lemsip, honey and lemon, tea and biscuits.

A friend described this phenomenon as being similar to that 80's cartoon with the part monkey, part rhino character. On googling I recalled the Wuzzles with great excitement, the only good thing to come of this.


  1. I once had a dislocated eyelash and a disinterested middle toe on my left foot at the same time. 'Didn't go' either. I feel your pain.


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