I work with a guy, who no matter what you say is wrong with you (including, today, having ‘The Fields of Athenry’ stuck in your head) says ‘there’s nothing worse’. So leaving broken limbs and falling off heads aside, here’s a countdown of my current top ten of ‘there’s nothing worse’. 10. Having a song stuck in your head – This really depends on the song and what you associate with it. If it’s a four word loop of something by the Cheeky Girls, Whigfield or, to be more current, Jedward, then that’s seriously head wrecking. However, if it’s a song that reminds you of something or someone good or if it’s along the lines of ‘We Are the Champions’ then it’s fantastic! 9. Getting to the phone as it stops ringing – This is made worse when you then go to call the person straight back and you can’t get them because they’re leaving you a voicemail, are ringing someone else or have just dropped the phone and ran away, as some stand up comedian once said. 8. Banged knee – I...
There’s nothing worse than fally down socks. Ok, so there are actually lots of things worse, but for the purposes of today’s discussion there isn’t. I don’t know what causes fally down socks, but they are such a pain and so random. You buy a packet of socks in a packet of three and the pair with the pink toes and heels falls down, but the plain pair and the blue toes and heels ones are fine. Sometimes it’s just one of the pair and it seems not to matter which foot it’s on, left or right, it’ll still slip down under your shoe and bunch up under your instep. I think they’re worse on rainy days too, somehow affected by the damp? Making them swell or soften or something, to make them extra fally. Also, they’re worse on rainy days because you can’t put your bag on the ground while pulling them up or you have an umbrella to manoeuvre as you do so and you end up poking yourself in the eye or someone else in the behind. You always mean to throw them out too, but you can’t bri...
Last Sunday my Granddad got up and went to 9 o'clock Mass in his local church. Last Sunday I got up and brought my mother to brunch at 11.30am in Odessa. Later my Granddad had a roast goose dinner, followed by trifle and cream. I had smoked salmon eggs benedict, freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee. After dinner, my Granddad (aged 90 and almost a half) went fishing. After brunch, I (aged 31 and almost three-quarters) went shopping. After fishing, my Granddad walked from the river, through the fields, to the bridge to wait for his lift. After shopping, I went to lie on the couch in my boyfriend's house, tired from a night out and early start. Last Sunday, my Granddad sat on the bridge, hands on the stone either side and bowed his head. Last Sunday, as I started to open an ice-cream and sit on a bench, I got a call from my mother, sobbing. Never sick, we never expected him to go. His first admittance to hospital was for his post mortem. He went they way he should, a...
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